Paralyzing Despair

On the side bar over at Mrs. C's blog, My Daily Emotional RollerCoaster, there is a little definition of bipolar which, in part, reads: Bipolar Disorder used to be called manic depression. A person with bipolar disorder can swing from extreme mood states of invincible elation to paralyzing despair and back.

Those words: paralyzing despair really struck a chord with me. I have been extremely low lately and although I suspect a manic phase may be coming, I am debilitated by how depressed I am. It is the worst feeling ever to have no energy and no motivation to do any normal daily things and to feel judged as just lazy when you are really incapable. 

Being bipolar is far from easy. I NEED my energy so I can be a good parent and be there for my son during his depression. I do not choose for it (energy) to be gone and I don't think very many people understand that. For the families of bipolar people: there comes a time when we may need more help than usual and we may not be ourselves. We could need help with everything from day to day activities and chores to life changing decisions. Please love us and support us when we are ill. Our recovery depends on having supportive people who love us and can realize we do not choose to be manic or depressed and finding the right meds is not easy.

Today I am somewhere between paralyzed with despair and invincible elation, but I am far from stable and I could go either way tomorrow. I am praying for my meds to work and for stability to return.